R. Tiara Malone

All Summer ’16

if it’s the summer of 2016 & drake drops views, then you’re 27 and this album becomes the soundtrack to ur life, a lifeline maybe. u start to understand his sentiments abt money being a worthy alternative to love. u understand what he means when he says “all of my let’s just be friends are friends i don’t have anymore.” u start to abandon the stifling politics u have abt urself. it sounds liberating but u know that u are not becoming free so much as u are numb. u are moving towards ur detonation. u do not know how to slow it down or stop it. do you even want to slow it down or stop it? u do know, u will not be sober for ur own implosion. u hope to wake in the aftermath of it and u promise urself u will not notice all the debris. u will pretend it never happened. u learn how to breath in and out and never really exhale. u bloat.

each day u examine ur aging form in ur full-length mirror. it doesn’t matter that it lies to u. the truth is, ur ass and hips sit lower now. and if it’s one thing growing up girl has taught u, is that the hips don’t lie. as ur body shifts and u try to figure out a place for it, u meet a man. u immediately want to love him but u know better. he is beautiful but u know better. u expose the truth of ur body to him. u think, he either doesn’t know or doesn’t care that u are never present. then one day, he confronts u, points out ur detachment. his observation vibrates ur body. it rings thru out ur old apartment that has become a grave for ur ghost-self and a few roaches u don’t care to exterminate—being alone is too heavy. u let the roaches have the kitchen. u let this beautiful man have ur new body. u let him have u to a soundtrack of alt. r&b, emo rap & trap music. u let these sounds fill the spaces where ur feelings used to be. hurt turns hard, u can almost feel it happening in real time. u fade.

not long before the beautiful man notices ur ghost-self, a different man made ur body a ghost town. he turned ur lullaby into heavy metal. sleep eludes u now. it dances around ur bed and taunts u, daring u to come and get it. u use the new man as pillow, as armor, as a goodnight song. u attempt sleep but the scent of a past love haunts the place. it’s on the sheets no matter how u wash them. the cushions of the sofa hold the scent. u are convinced the scent is coming thru the pipes. it’s in the water. it’s not just the apartment, u smell it everywhere now. u smell it in the emotional rappers coming thru ur speakers. u smell it in older women who, in the past, were too old to understand u. or, u were maybe too young to understand them. u smell it in rage. u smell it with a raging red. u smell it in blues. it stinks like ur twenties going bad. u think ur past love made off with ur youth. u are right and wrong about this. u are learning the nuances of scent. u inhale.

the call center job u stumbled into allows u to disconnect and provides a paycheck big enough to send ur sorrows into outerspace. u stay at the job. u are mostly late, always disengaged. it is too safe. u use lunch breaks to finish blunts from the morning and to mix red wine into ur passion tea from sbux. u use lunch breaks to wonder if u should attempt ur dreams again. u wonder if u should try reconnecting with ur family, try to feel something for them. u smoke again and top off ur cup because the thought of trying pains u more than your stagnancy. each morning on ur transfer from train to bus, u grab a smoothie from the supermarket on grand & chicago. u don’t care that it’s overpriced and packed with sugar. u only care that u look like u care. u ask urself if this is what being woman looks like: overspending on junk on ur way to a job that is draining life from ur body? the answer has been on ur mind, on ur tongue, before u cld speak it. u swallow it again because u are still unwilling to stop buying into ur own facade. u hide.

u wonder why u look so much like ur mother now, wonder why the thought of calling her throws u into a panic. she was ur age when she had u. she was only a few years older when she left ur father in chicago. him in his addiction. her with her 8 kids in tow. u start to wonder if you’re more him than u thought. it’s not only ur alcohol intake. u now crave the little pills that remind u of vitamins from ur childhood. u make a case for the tiny crystals the beautiful man places on ur tongue. u tell urself u work too hard to be sober. u become agitated easily. u decide to tattoo ur chest just to feel the buzz of the needle. u spend money on everything but rent and u wait for the bottom to fall out. u pacify.

ur womb starts to cry out for something to hold. this beautiful man does his part to fill u with life. u are not ready to become a home. there is no cub. finally, there is no address. u lose the apartment and are relieved for it. the season wants to wane, give out, but not before a few suffocating dog days. u spend these intensely hot days figuring out an escape. this planning is not new to u. in fact, u can’t remember what it feels like to not want to run. u think as far back as u can but can’t recall a time when fire wasn’t in ur feet. u plot.

u are unable to recognize urself. u are living for this feeling of feeling dead. u want more of it. u want to never make the mistake of loving again. u think it’s easy to replace Love so u frequent petco. u buy fish that die off. u buy a bird that u eventually set free. u want to be the bird but u are becoming the fish. it’s not okay but it’s inevitable, u think. u believe it’s possible to outrun urself forever and so u plan to. u start at lake michigan. ur fear of drowning is alleviated by this new secret u have found about water. u are discovering its healing properties, its remedies. it becomes ur baptism each day after the call center. u think, maybe, u cld make this living thing work after all. u float.

this man, beautiful as he is, is too close. just the thought of seeing him again makes u uneasy but u crave it. he is both a danger zone and a safe place. u circulate from one extreme to another. u don’t know if he is too good for u or vice versa. somewhere between lake michigan and ur apartment u decide it is neither. u decide, his thorns are like ur thorns, so even though it hurts, it’s not a new kind of pain. u melt into this theory, try to find solace in it. u shatter.

u cry but can’t produce tears. u spend hours by the lake contemplating the thought…u disconnect from him. u depend on him to save u. u forget urself. u remember urself. u don’t understand it, u just know u don’t feel the same and it’s time to surrender. and so u do. u surrender over and over. u do this all summer ’16 until u fall.

-lake michigan, ‘16

 

A photo of a Black woman smiling and wearing gold-rimmed glasses and a white T-shirt.

R. Tiara Malone is a Chicago born writer living in New Orleans. Her poetry has been published by Partial Press. Her stageplays have been read in Chicago, Atlanta, and New Orleans. Her essays have appeared in Prairie Schooner and Peauxdunque Review (forthcoming). Her essay “Mikey Go Boom!” was a runner-up in the 2020 Words and Music Festival. She studied Media, Communication, and Theatre at Northeastern Illinois University in Chicago. She is currently working on a lyrical memoir and is the owner of Minimoon Massage Studio (@MinimoonMassage) in Nola. Never tweeting @ascribecalled.

 

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Tian-Ai

Abecedarian Portent

爱:         (Ài / love) celebrates the roof of the mouth and ”eye” halves the poet halves the name given by
爸爸:    (Bàba / father): bisector / point of blame: one-side source material for a poem about language loss
                  and so will not be mentioned here.

西:        ( / west) at five years old compasses left: the departure of word as name like arrival of
第:        (Dìdi / younger brother): names me (Jiějiě / older sister) with sibling spite though in the late hours I sit on the bed holding his head like a globe.
一:        ( / One) school one alphabet to rule all alphabets against language without alphabet against
发:        ( / hair) static-charged on its brush: the loosener of things, as diverts to “far”–
                  I am, I swear,

吉:         ( / auspicious): “conductive to success”: filament glow not cowprod discharge, see! I am
很好:    (Hěn hǎo / ”very good”) the teachers say the father says the mother does not say “Tian-
爱:         Ài, let’s speak Cantonese for a minute.” Now Dìdi says “Tian-Ai” not
姐姐:    Jiějiě “because I’m not a baby anymore.” And I’m a baby with no globe anymore, now in the late hours on the bed
开:        (Kāi / open)ing the writing hand, mouth in muscle fibers praying quietly:
留 :       (Liú / stay) please, I
没有:    (Méiyǒu / don’t have) you
内:        (Nèi / inside) anymore.”
哦哦:  “(Oo  /  oh)?” they laugh,
放屁:      “(Fàng  /  bullshit).”

气:        (Qìgōng / Breathing),
二:        (Èr / two) lungs coded to exhale an impossible sound
是:        (Shì / ”yes”), but like trebuchet only,
踢:        ( / kick)ing counterweight:  this poem, quickly, shoot too late temperate tympanic tadpole—

 

                   —but

 

                   I’m sorry

 

u:             mom says
v:             no words start with these.

 

我:        (Wǒ / I) said, it doesn’t matter,
谢谢:   (Xièxiè / thank you), I
有:        (Yǒu / have) some
字:       ( / words) now.

Previously published in Pleiades: Literature in Context, Volume 40, Issue 2, Summer 2020

 

Some Time in Tailiang


昔者庄周梦为蝴蝶

Two hundred years ago the coast flooded a hundred miles inward, cities dissolved in Pacific: Tailiang swallowed kind enough to leave survivors

and our children still came, but with each flush something faded, in desperate nets fish slapped their tails extinguishing incense which refused to burn in new humidity, smoked fibers of our thousand-year poems that refused to regather from the sea back to our hands back to our mouths feeding back what we had forgotten.

 

 


栩栩然蝴蝶也, 自喻适志与,不知周也。

The consequence is now.

Buildings caterpillar to the sky flushed together,
the thickest fog demanding nothing fed by exhalations
demanding everything.

On high balconies grow lamps feed
lychee trees, staining the fog
razor purple;

looming tired tangles of concrete,
scaffold and wire hanging from air conditioner boxes
doing nothing for the condensated windows,

everything only a grey suggestion.
No cars on the streets, not today. Only the hum of the boxes
whirring fans coiling the fog disturbing

telephone wire
spider legs
above the street.

Neon signs float rectangular to a vanishing
point, fog hands over their mouths
muffling their beckoning to:


俄然觉,则戚戚然周也。

Mercy came once in an unearthed erhu,
Cradled from a waterlogged basement like an infant.
We did not know it was an erhu then but we wanted to so badly
That we knew it without name.

Tatters of snakeskin framed its wood hexagon
A cane clacked to the floor
The elder scrambled up the eucalyptus
Descending with a python
Slit down the middle with his pinky nail.

Eight sons to stretch its skin across the box
Eight more to seal it,
The old man flicked his fingernail

Two notes that drummed the river
Ricocheted across the city a million
Pulses synced to silence
Shrine to a new and fleeting God.

Once a boy stole it
Strung it with bra wire and bowed:

A soft wail traced spines top to bottom
Vibrato smoothed down vertebra with its single finger
Shivering the trees retracting their plums and the mothers
Pulled for them finally finally

A week later cityfolk found an instrument
Snapped in half
Swallowed whole by a boa;

A week later they found the boy
Shot dead in the evening,
Rosy under the traffic light.

 

 


不知周之梦为蝴蝶与,

No one admits we’ve started praying again
so the procession is quiet. The fog has thickened, but lanterns border the
streets,
orbed hearts guiding the parade: the people in black

 robes, bodiless if not for the drifting
ceramic masks of tigers monkeys dragons cranes women,
drumming out their prayer:        summon     summon

Men: frustrated, drool seawater as they sing
Women: humming mouths sticky with
lychee eyes,

stomachs full
of unripe
things.

Above the street
I watch wet-mouthed
at the window.

Grandfather smokes the long pipe on the couch,
its long crescent channels drags in quarter notes,
smoke wafts S’s out the window
joining the fog–

One time this was a snake
He says.

I lied. I don’t see him. He died years ago.
I don’t see him so violently
I see him.

 

 


蝴蝶之梦为周与?

The drums persist:
communion communion
Little girls’ heads above
dart in and out of windows, salivating for red.

My brother, mask of a crimson ox
drumming away something
dad put inside him.

He doesn’t tell me much about it, only that
in the night
dad stood over the bed

while he slept.
It slipped from the mouth
and buried into his.

I asked him what it tasted like.
He said a dog’s tongue,
loving too hard.

 

Tian-Ai (天爱) is a diasporic poet, musician, and visual artist from Seattle. She is a fellow of the Bucknell Seminar for Undergraduate Poets. She appears in Asterism literary journal, with work forthcoming in Flock Magazine, Pleiades, and others. More of her work can be found at tian-ai.com.

 

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Alina Viknyanskiy

bad teeth

Alina (Ali) Viknyanskiy is a cartoonist and writer who works with traditional media to tell stories through comics. Her writing consists of short memoirs and observations and her pieces are created with heart and shameless freedom. She graduated with Graphic Design and Illustration degrees from Missouri State University in 2018 and is currently based in Springfield, MO. Ali’s work has been featured in Driftwood Press, Issue 6.2, and in Aquifer: The Florida Review Online. The best way to keep up with Ali and her work is through her Instagram page @hey.grandma.

 

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Amanda Holiday

A whiff of something

An artist-poet goes to a party in Hout Bay in Cape Town. The hosts are a white photojournalist and his wife. On the wall in the kitchen is a photograph of the journalist in Rwanda holding a black baby. The poet is struck by the expression on the man’s face. On closer inspection she realises that the infant he holds is dead – there is a bullet hole in the middle of the baby’s forehead. The journalist tells them how, when he returned from Rwanda, he had the smell of death in his nose. His wife nods as he speaks. He tries to get the smell out of his nose every morning; he rinses his nostrils out with soap, uses sprays, plunges his nose deep into bouquets of agapanthus. One day his wife tells him the smell is inside his head and he needs to see a doctor. Everyone nods sympathetically.

 

Notes for a chronology of smell

vernix sweat cheese / stuff of life
skin smear dank birth

saki-tomboy pepper-mash mackerel
silver sting cook / palm street pan

chewing gum powder / light sweet
car nook hides tin foil-wrap

alpha-biscuit vanilla warm
almond-heat shortbread / guests due

rubric red earth / salt tar soil
cheetah dash shapes floodlit

woman stage dances / turns
to paper strips / burns to ash

butter-white breakfast bread
rolls Elder Dempster ship

grey Chorley rain marks
pavements in coal

 

Sushi SQ¹

                                                 (eavesdrop)

Milk-white skin dished on perlemoen                        
sushi SQ in top clubs don’t-ask-pay-later

pink tuna crabsticks sashimi eat me                            
fat black fingers pluck salmon from nipples

liquid libations BEE2 Tables have turned                   
they say Fear of a black planet they laugh

Trump understands better than Obama                                 
Bombay Sapphire rinses raw fish

gold toothpicks flick spittle on white girls                   
Black capitalism don’t bend at the knee         

for who Jay Z? What hero takes rain-check               
kill their own talent?  Good-looking fool in an afro

We done with slavery, apartheid runs deep.              
Equality? Pipe dream. Folk need system and queues

Poor people rather fuck than work                            
Why those make money run to the shacks always?

Who laughs the longest stays richer               
wink at white-girl plate swallow seaweed snacks         

Baby it’s our turn now they say                                  
Gi‘em a taste of their own medicine

wear township trials as prestige badge           
high-price mouthfuls the freedom spoils      


1. on a South African restaurant menu S.Q. refers to Salon Qualitaire or quality determined by the establishment. A more direct translation is ‘subject to quotation’ due to the practice of weighing certain foods such as shellfish

2. BEE refers to Black Economic Empowerment

 

Amanda Holiday is a UK-based artist and poet. Her chapbook The Art Poems was published in 2018 by Akashic Books as part of New Generation African Poets. Her text “A Posthumous conversation about Black Art” was published in 2019 in the 1st edition of UK visual culture journal Critical Fish. In 2019, she completed the MA in Creative Writing (Poetry) at UEA with Distinction. Her poems have appeared in Prairie Schooner, South Bank Poetry, and Poetry Birmingham Literary Journal (UK). In  2020, she reached the final shortlist for the Brunel International African Poetry Prize and established the UK’s first crowdfunded poetry press Black Sunflowers. She live in South London with her teenage daughter.

“A whiff of something” and “Sushi SQ” previously appeared in Poetry Birmingham Literary Journal.

 

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Michal Jones

In the Wake of a Transfer

for Nia Wilson

I.
MacArthur was not supposed
to be where your
line ended –                                                                          Nia’s gone

You were to return home,
ride ricketing rails deep East,                                                           
transfer your long way Home –                                                        A liquified, river of blood

Graduate with honors, make
beats bend corners hold hands,                                        
be eighteen –                                                                                                                        In supernova brightness

You swallowed ancestral
fear to step onto that platform,                                                                         Cleft carotid rests under tarp
your sisters kept closeby –                

A scream like                                                                                       
that ceaseless, sparking grate                                                           
will spear a humid night –                                                             9-car Dublin/Pleasanton in 2 minutes

And where do you journey now?
And what sense do we make of this?
Where will your mother’s body breathe?                       She illuminates the tunnels

II.
In the morning, when Her train comes, my Nails punch lunes into my palms. In the morning, Black women gather beneath unseen umbrellas – scatter plots along gray platform – lined against the walls. In the morning, Black women downcast. Avert their gazes from oblivion, necks weighted with recall. I boomerang a rage white. Slice a crescent sharp enough to sever. Tongues that utter this:                 senseless.  Senseless.

Senseless.
when children
become ancestors.

III.
& Mama –
                I promise I’m safe on trains here.
& Mama –
                I can hear you cry-singing for me.
& Mama –
                You gonna find your way back to breathing.
& Mama –
                There’s so many colors here.
Mama –
                Colors I don’t even have proper names for.
& Mama –
                We got them dancers out here, too!
& Mama –
                Everyone, everything is conductor.
& Mama –
                Our trains don’t have tracks, just kinda glide like water.
& Mama –
                It’s warm here, warm like light.
& Mama –
                I’m alright, mama. I’m more than alright.

 

MJ is a poet & parent living in Oakland, CA. Their work is featured or forthcoming at Kissing Dynamite, Rigorous Mag, & Borderlands Texas Poetry Review. They are an Assistant Poetry Editor at Foglifter Press. MJ has received fellowships from the Hurston/Wright Foundation, SF Writers Grotto, VONA, & Kearny Street Workshop. They are currently the Community Engagement Graduate Fellow in the MFA program at Mills College.

 

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Stephanie Jean

Insomnia

Hibiscus, slim in hand, smoking what ought be spoken. Trite tripe transcending bitterness into tribalist peacekeeping. Boorish convulsion inserting pleonastic adieu to quidnunc’s deathbed. Transversal transparency performing pas de bourree for audience of boors.

 

Assommant  

Nesting song on a balcony of sun distilling the partiality of the I into the sonority of clarity.
Absentminded softness instinctually awakening ball gowns and verdure on rail of elements.
Thinly veiled imbalance freeing primordial flight through a looking smile of retenue.

 

With

Taut onde dramatizing urgency towards an inelegant incandescence /wood in lubricated machine of cultural insignificance and filial splendor.  Seared gradient districts justifying intrinsic values of divisible accord/ consensus for mea culpa of none and suppression of all sense-acute partiality.  Sheet of race marching in one kindness/spear the reversal of millenia of conflation from/of/at board of social constructors.  Dashing sore of ominous baseness barking a purr at the balance of a glorious high noon firmament.

 

Stephanie Jean is the winner of the BOMB Poetry Contest 2020 Judged by Simone White and a Cave Canem Fellow. Her poems have appeared in [PANK] and The Southampton Review.

 

 

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Ima Odong

afterlife of flood

fermented
unearthing reveal-
ing a      reckoned we
orderly unneat sheathed            
catastrophe
long-ago fenced-in saccharine                 
catastrophe—

our home’s miasmatic air
ruptured bellyswell
              relic and harvest
              of augmented hurt

air as putrid corruption               or
transatlantic theft                           or
               antiblack.

                this pre-bedrock             this       
                national sustenance       and

                i want my skin to remember
                how it feels to drink clean air

the poem as defunct weather map
flood as post-sacred disaster    
post-god tribulation                      leaving only
               some kicked-up dust-rust                          
               swept-up plugged-up                  
               air-tight air-blight          air, air  

my breath is the contradiction                 a present absence gone viral
and why should i have to tell you
why i deserve to breathe?

this flood as recollection of ourselves
               as           there is nothing left for you here
               and        either improvise or pretend                
               and        there’s no one to call in times like these

                               these are all of the times.

 

Ima Odong is studying social justice and interdisciplinary writing in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Rookie Mag and Arts & Letters. She is committed to learning how to love and be loved in preparation for a future free of state violence. You can find her on Instagram: @scantima_.

 

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Noʻu Revilla

When You Say “Protestors” instead of Protectors

I would call it a trick, if it wasn’t so terrifying, the way your mouth doesn’t move when you speak. Your smile, shiny as a church, but what kind of prayer could ever be trusted without evidence of a free tongue? On the rare occasion sound shakes loose, words, no matter how unmuzzled, words still go to die. In your mouth, even womb is wound. Sometimes I dream of tearing your throat wide open and finding there, where stories should be born, only bleeding bleedingbleeding. The wish to desecrate. We are, yet again, portrayed by you, the girl  the Native  the water the mountain who was “asking for it.” Your lips so Sunday still. Sometimes I almost believe you. So it’s best I keep hiding knives in my hair, the way my grandmother – not god – the way my grandmother intended.

 

Mercy

This  morning  I  kissed  a woman  with  a  brick  in her  clay hands. I am building a house, she said. Brick in her hands, tongues  in her mouth.  Somewhere a door  ajar.  We kissed  &  I went searching  for other bricks she brought this way, one by one in her clay hands. She smelled like a house, the one I saw built from scratch near the water tower in Waiʻehu. Did you find more bricks? I was young, a ten-gallon bucket clanging with nails. Who was I to say what was mine & not mine? Did you find the water tower? Over & over I searched. Bricks in hand. Ready to sleep in the roof of her mouth, ready to build a home and call her mine. Did you find the door you tore open and ran from mine the door you buried in bricks not mine one by one Waiʻehu torn one by one Waiʻehu built again. Memory made from scratch. Did you find me there? This morning I kissed each brick of this woman. Her name was mercy.

 

Noʻu Revilla is a queer Native Hawaiian poet, educator, and aloha ʻāina. Her poetry has been featured in Poetry and Literary Hub as well as the Honolulu Museum of Art. Her latest chapbook Permission to Make Digging Sounds was published in Effigies III in 2019, and she has performed throughout Hawaiʻi as well as Canada, Papua New Guinea, and the United Nations. In the summer 2019, she taught poetry at Puʻuhuluhulu University while standing to protect Maunakea with her lāhui.

 

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Eunice Kim

postmortem for chaos theory

here i am, thinking about the summer
              collapsed around you. the leonine 
days, the sullen nights.              my body  a
                             cascading series of monsoons.
i watch as you dismember me. my wrists wrung
from my hands and each rib carefully pendent
on the ceiling.   the wreck
             -age of light strewn around myself,
              my leftovered body. the heatwave 
              breaks unevenly 
this year. so it’s             summer, it’s
                           salvageable, and i am
thinking about quantum mechanics. the
uncertainty of it all, the truth that there is
a universe where
we learn to                      float. where the
                             horizon isn’t wide enough, and
we chew up the syllables like goldenrod.
              like
                                         desire.
              so now we’ve widowed the lip of the
change  and i am still searching
for you in the breath-smothered glass,
              in 
the digital glow of the beautiful night. 
                            i am a violet-shaped wound, but 
                            dimly. by the smallest margin.
and already the body grieves,
apocryphal.       the laws of physics  break
down
the universe into           body-sized  pieces—
the kind our hands can         
                                                         bear to hold.  

 

Eunice Kim is a Korean-American writer living in Seoul. Her work has been published in Polyphony, The Heritage Review, Vagabond City Lit, and more. She currently works as a staff reader for The Adroit Journal and a volunteer writer for Her Culture.

 

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