A RUBBER BAND CAN STRETCH FROM RALEIGH TO HOLLYWOOD
for my girlfriend Tatianna,
before she was my girlfriend
I cried last night, holding you outside the dive
holding you in the middle street
& again this morning, when the fool squirrel
crossed Ray Road without incident
(it’s not goodbye)
Walking the empty daylight downtown,
looking through open doors of closed bars
in dust, the impressions of laughter
I’m grieving proximity/ I’m inconsolably celebrating
your departure, the relief of roots repotted,
& those Los Angeles lesbians will love you—
you clearsighted, searching the ceiling
to pluck the truest word, eyes crescent with a smile,
like a cat with a new secret sharing her morning kill,
holding libraries, cynicisms, evasive light,
both the pirate sterning fitful waves
& the spinning shine of safety above crag,
sitting next to you in undivided comfort,
a chasing rainbow,
you, your voice
& yes I fall in love with all my friends,
but we share wanderer’s honor—
a rubber band can stretch from Raleigh to Hollywood
tension humming gleefully when plucked
look up!
the endless, cloudless, nursery blue
sun rays kissing earth
like a painting of god
climb out your window, go to yourself
you’ll be on the California Zephyr:
sharp undercut, guitar, duffel bag of boots,
fresh roll of film, the fervor of motion,
the whole fucking world make a mess!
& I can’t miss you
still with me, close as always:
watching the heron at Lake Lynn
shake the city from her wings
& fly west
MISPLACED BELONGING
for Salix & his light
a seagull in Asheville!
odd in birdsong, maybe adopted by murder
though you shouldn’t trust me i’ve been awake since four
supine in dark
wondering about extinct bugs & if i’ll quit my boyfriend
but no nightmares unlike the last sleep
where i met the vice president & was smothered in shallow ocean by an evangelical mob
i don’t find meaning in dreams (the meaning is obvious)
Audge made me breakfast— granola & tea, then left for work
which was awfully kind because they don’t know me & they build houses
for the downtrodden while i sweat on their couch
& since
a parade of porch Winston’s
next to toy skeleton, reading Lunch Poems
i think i’ll steal O’Hara’s voice or borrow it, just for the morning
until Salix wakes & makes coffee
then i’ll walk to ingles to watch mountains
or walk to mountains to watch ingles
feeling awe either way
old earth majesty & supply chains
almost one-sided love, Appalachia cradling hot asphalt
even that’s pretty (everything is)
gloaming over pine-softened-peaks,
the peaks over waffle house,
grass scratching tenderly, warm engine light, the churning chaos of star birth,
it’s me in & all things welcomed with misplaced belonging
but enough about bodies—
it’s a birthday! Salix turns boy!
Kat brings a bar’s worth of booze
i bring shades of blue balloons
somewhere a waterfall brings clarity to the earnest sewer
to be trans is to joyfully emerge in dire circumstances
not the butterfly’s unfurling but a cicada surfacing mud
there’s a reason babies fall sobbing from the womb
into the overwhelming hold of light,
we’ve lived it twice
so tonight, for his becoming
we plant willow wands in compost
try to fit love on folded notes
& Brennan (almost a year-old now) leads our spells, gives our prayers eager hands
tossing tobacco to the fire at our center
the always becoming now
shine circling shine
Chamomile Wheatley is a poet, songwriter, and musician from Ft. Lauderdale, FL. Her poems have appeared in ANMLY and Five South. She performs and tours as the frontwoman of the folk/punk project, Marble Berry Seeds. Chamomile currently lives in North Carolina.
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