Refrains Happen Like Revolutions In A Song
After John Torres’s Ang Ninanais (2010)
Intro
Here are my memories.
Please mirror me back.
Give me images.
I can only see the black.
Give me images.
Anything.
Tell me what I look like.
Tell me who I am.
Images.
Characters.
People.
Anyone with a face.
I am faceless.
I want to know my face.
Help me see my face.
Let me show you my image of happiness:
Verse
I am free to just desire because I now know The One. I will no longer listen to measly mortals… I am praying that my God hears my prayers because I just want him to desire me as badly… I want him to see how desperately […] / All my love for him […] love letters […] English […] French… I hope he answers… my prayers.
I want a new motherland.
Refrain
I want him to pay […] d’être [sa femme]… I want to be his most […] dangerous […] / I want us […] like animals… I want him to […] with precarious […] / I want to be the one he […] Jesus Christ! Protégée […] Who / I want / Tell me […] dreams […] so I can sleep, finally… He won’t understand […] my desperate […] […] […] to be the point—
Chorus
I want to burn the world […] filthy mortals […] / Because not understanding […] pleasure / Please, dream […] filthy animal… Release […] cage… / Want […] / Pick […] / Choose […] Pray […] Pay for me…
Verse
Tell me his most desperate […] bedtime story… I […] no longer […] venue… I’m just […] / mon Dieu, protégé-moi… de Toi / […] My most desperate bedtime story… Forgive me for I have sinned… Je brûle pour […] mon Dieu qui est aussi […] / Protége-moi, mon Dieu… animale / Dis-moi comment tu me brûle […] comme […] Dis-moi… j’ai besoin… mon enfin…
Chorus
Dis-moi je suis […] Arrêtez pas… Dis-moi […] les fantasmes du prolétariat […] Leurs rêves […] Les rêves sur […] des reines et rois d’insurrection qui veulent venir qui est vient […] Dis-moi […] Dormir en sucre…
Bridge
I am free
to just desire
because I now
know
The One
Refrain
I only pray to
one God / Please,
let me get
what I want:
Bridge
Hello, these are my memories. Mirror me back to me.
I want to see myself. But please,
don’t […] Just give me
images of happiness. Just
[…]
Me
[…]
me.
Verse
My fatherland
is Northern Mindanao.
Chorus
I will […] continue…
searching […] motherland
I do not need [a history]
I already am
[…]
myself.
Outro
Ni toit.
Ni toi.
Ni loi.
Ni loin.
i Et puis, une voix de l’avenir : I’m leaving you […] melancholy […] but in the depths of my heart / I’m happy.
Jessa C. Suganob is a translingual practitioner working with diagrams, languages, and ephemera. She transliterates English, French, Filipino, Binisaya, and Hiligaynon-Kinaray-a in her works. Her current preoccupation with critical folklores is a part of her project “Kanto Philosophy,” which insists on the crucial and ethical value of bearing witness to trauma through syncretic and xenosynthetic frameworks for the marginalized and the ghosts of the dead. Her works are accessible at Kritika Kultura, OF ZOOS, TLDTD, LUMIN Journal, and elsewhere. She is currently based in Northern Mindanao, Philippines.
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