anxiety attack in a public university bathroom stall
i’m paranoid everyone wants to kill
me well at least we have found
common ground i want to kill
me too do you want to help? this can be
a collaborative project something
we can do together be united i guess
i’ve become especially scared of people
lately but hey let’s plunge
the knife together call it solidarity call it
ally-ship call it abraham on the mountain
doing the will of god but neglecting
the final instruction i learned sacrifice
early learned hate early hate myself
often it’s a viscous circle maybe if
i flush myself they’ll never find me
someone hears my gasping sobs walks up
to the stall door knocks asks hey man
you alright? and i almost say naw bruh
but i’ll open the door if you want
a brown body to use as target practice
except for the tremors i promise i’ll stay still
anxiety attack trying to remember the word for fear of irregular groupings of holes
this time the ceiling
opening dark spots
worms again fall
through onto the bed
mingle with bed bugs
that aren’t really there
but still the itch feels
like some microscopic
eating away at skin
growing openings
irregular everywhere
you ever want to just
scrape all your skin
off just all of it because
there can’t be holes
in what’s not there
can’t itch what doesn’t
exist maybe just get rid
of it all with a knife
or a potato peeler or
my own nails or maybe
there’s a way to make
a single incision and boil
myself so it’s all off at once
the whole thing detached
and whole and all of it
smooth and even and even
and even
Marlin M. Jenkins was born and raised in Detroit, and studied poetry in University of Michigan’s MFA program. His writings have been given homes by The Collagist, Four Way Review, The Journal, and Bennington Review, among others. He is an editor for HEArt Online, and you can find him on Twitter @Marlin_Poet.